my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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