A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize