He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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