either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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