Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
