I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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