My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
