he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
