I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
