it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just threw up on my dentist
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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