If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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