Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In America we eat man semen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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