ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
