honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
