I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there was a trapeze. enough said
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
