If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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