so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
