Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
