One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.