So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
