if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?