I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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