Don't you send me to vm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties