I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
