I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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