The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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