YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize