can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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