So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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