Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
