i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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