At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
