Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
