dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
