Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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