So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
