dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
