I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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