Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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