Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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