Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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