There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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