You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Randomize
