What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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