the day after is always just damage control
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
