Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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