i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
