TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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