I didn't shave. On purpose
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
