Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
