In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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