I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
