He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
