when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
