broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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