I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."