he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.