Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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  (760): Joe is yelling at the trees again. http://tfl.nu/dpjn
  Replies (26) Good night (3888) Bad night (641)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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  (313): her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli http://tfl.nu/6z4f
  Replies (42) Good night (819) Bad night (5065)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

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  (717): please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are. http://tfl.nu/a3si
  Replies (10) Good night (1311) Bad night (3746)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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  (320): For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates. http://tfl.nu/jze3
  Replies (19) Good night (1414) Bad night (4060)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7191) Bad night (1414)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.

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  (205): my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything. http://tfl.nu/6bhr
  Replies (13) Good night (3360) Bad night (1300)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.

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  (850): HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF. http://tfl.nu/8qce
  Replies (12) Good night (1073) Bad night (2742)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.

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  (716): He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves. http://tfl.nu/0275
  Replies (6) Good night (3217) Bad night (1019)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.

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  (716): It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead. http://tfl.nu/ixsn
  Replies (3) Good night (2490) Bad night (866)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better

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  (405): As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better http://tfl.nu/3xhu
  Replies (6) Good night (592) Bad night (1208)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.

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  (570): They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them. http://tfl.nu/mod4
  Replies (2) Good night (1603) Bad night (536)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero

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  (613): I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero http://tfl.nu/0ytb
  Replies (1) Good night (1642) Bad night (812)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.

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  (309): You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed. http://tfl.nu/qkqo
  Replies (2) Good night (1655) Bad night (359)
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  (619): View more from California

  She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.

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  (619): She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it. http://tfl.nu/d8em
  Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (209)
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  (707): View more from California

  I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.

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  (707): I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible. http://tfl.nu/8qmq
  Replies (7) Good night (871) Bad night (251)

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