he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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