pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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