sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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