hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
