I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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