Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
