Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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