hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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