im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
