Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
