unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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