honey bunches of taint.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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