after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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