seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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