Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
