New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
