how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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