I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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