Please, let me fuck your mom
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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